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So after the last fiasco, you think he would have learnt right...well turns out he don't listen too well.

I'm going to do something really rad with my hair, like make the top part purple with black underneath so i've been looking for pictures of what i want to take to the hairdresser - there is this great place in Newtown called Furr hair and their stuff is amazing, i just love it, so i was trying to find other examples. So dave goes - "Oh here, check out the suicide girls page (he's a member) there are heaps with purple hair on here" so i went and had a look through his log in and didn't find much at all, and was about to log out when it brought up some of the comments he's made on girls pictures..................................bad idea, MF...........so here are these girls, as i'm sure you know - ALL hanging out etc and he's making comments on them....now mind you, they weren't comments like - wow i love your hair, or your photos look great, your outfit rocks, OH NO.....there are comments such as "wow, two words absolutely gorgeous!" "You are so stunning, just gorgeous" "You are so gorgeous, beautiful, so gorgeous"

Now tell me if I'm wrong but these are NOT the sort of comments you should be making about ANY OTHER WOMAN BUT YOUR WIFE!!!!!! (celebrities excluded, because the chances in actually meeting them are slim to none) but my freakin heart and gut feel like they're being stabbed when i think about those words - I mean fuck he NEVER comments on ANY of my pictures on facebook and here he is telling another fucking girl that's she's gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Excuse me if i'm over reacting but that's pretty fucking inappropriate and if i even have a guy friend on facebook i have to jump through hoops to explain why but he thinks he can get away with this!! Oh no, and the worst part is he just didn't get it. I spent the whole night crying and he just couldn't understand why. The next day at work he rings me and tells me he didn't know what to say because he'd never seen me that upset in a while - and he felt so bad, he just kept quiet coz he knew nothing he'd say would make me better - and he's right. So i ended up getting it through to him that it was a big fucking deal to me (actually said those words while crying at work, yeah felt wonderful) and that he really hurt me and if he wanted to be with one of those sluts(I know they're not and before this i used to love the idea of those women powering themselves, just a bit too raw to deal with that now) he could be, i was not going to just keep sitting here being hurt like this. He kept saying he was sorry but he couldn't understand why it hurt so much - so i said to him, how many freakin times do i put myself down in front of him daily, how many times have i cried about having to put up with all the men at work and everywhere we go look at me like i'm some fat disgusting freak, especially when i'm with one workmate, she is just gorgeous and has the most amazing body and men follow her around with their tongues, hanging out - honestly they do, i've seen a whole table full of teenage boys stare at her as she walked past! I don't think high of myself at all, i think i'm a horrible creature and when i see him making comments about other women that i wish i looked like all i can think of is that i'm not good enough, i am the fat horrible creature i see in the mirror and i should just put myself down. THAT'S why it hurts so bad, THAT'S why i'm so upset.

He was really apologetic and he said that he never meant to hurt me - that he thinks of them as celebrities, he's never going to see them ever - and that he would prove to me that he loves me and thinks i'm way better than any of them - which for him is about the nicest thing that he could ever say. He said he thought telling me i'm gorgeous to my face (which he actually does do, a lot) is better than commenting on pictures or anything (he's as thick as 2 bricks somedays)

So so far, it's been ok. He's been better and he's been telling me how much he loves me and how perfect i look in everything i wear etc. So it's getting better because this time he actually listened to me and it stuck....funny huh - i get shitty all the time and it just goes in one ear and out the other - i actually cry and it makes him pay attention........men..................i just don't get it.

I also told one of my other workmates (not the one i mentioned above) about it coz she caught me crying at work, but she was horrified too and then at the bottom of one email she sent me she put "by the way, you look beautiful today :)" and that just made me feel better, that someone else cared so much about me to say something like that...somedays the people around you just amaze you in the weirdest ways :)

In other news because i'm feeling shitty about re-hashing that shit, but i needed to get it out. Sammy is having her first easter hat parade soon so i'm going batty with craft shit everywhere getting it ready XD!! I loved this stuff as a kid, so now i get to do it all over again YAY!! So i've got my textas out, colouring pages all in front of me with eggs etc to stick on there, ive got glitter glue, flowers, cardboard, felt, little fluffy chicken things :) It's totally cool!

And i'm starting lite n easy this week, since seeing 2 girls at work loose weight with it, i'm like what the hey  - plus the pricing is just as much as i would spend on lunches per week, and i'm getting brekkie which i don't now, so guess i will see :D Hopefully it will make a big difference and make me feel less hating of myself :D

Mother F****ing SOB

how i'm feeling today

Well things are going really well at the moment and i feel i need to write them down, so if things go to hell in a handbasket - which in my life they so often do - i can look back at this for some inspiration.

So after almost 9 years of being together and going through almost every low and high a relationship can endure, things are going really well with hubby. It feels really good lately, we hug and kiss like we've just met again, we're spending more time together doing things like we used to and i know maybe TMI but the sex has been amazing! Seems like after having Sam things moved around a little and it's just been explosive - it's really great. Like yesterday, we had a really great day, Sammy went to her grandparents for a few hours while we walked around the tattoo and body piercing festival - which was much better than last year, but we had an awesome time, i bought this cuter than cute bag - black with roses and skulls, it's sooo awesome - and we just spent some time alone together which made the day just so much better.

Sammy has hit the age where although she can throw a mean tantrum when she wants to, for most of the time she's a really helpful good little girl - like at the moment she has on a pair of my shoes and handbag and she's turned to me and gone 'bye! i'm going to the shops, get lunch!' LOL things like that are just so cute!! and she's very affectionate with hugs and kisses and learning to say i love you  - that is 'uff foo' at the moment but she's getting there! :D

Work is going really well, moving into another position which is going to be good, hard work but stuff that's up my alley so it will be good, boss gave me a small pay rise and told me that they love me there and can't do without me, which is SO nice, i've never had an employer say that or give me these opportunities so it's very, very nice. The people i work with are awesome, especially 2 of the girls, we're really good friends so that always helps.

I also have the fortune of having one of the most amazing friends i've ever come across in my life online :D She's a wonderful gal and we have so much in common and we just clicked so well straight away and i feel so very, very fortunate to have this wonderful woman in my life - just in case you haven't figured it out yet Rosie, i'm talking about you! - You are my twin sis and one of the most if not the most amazing people i've ever met and i am so glad to have you as my friend! I love you sis!!

So yeah - things are going well and i'm feeling good!! :D

first and foremost :D

Well here I am in all my, well me-ness!

Hi there and welcome to the weird, sometimes hyper, lonely, funny...oh you get the point, ramblings of me Nyx. Just thought i'd give this a go as a friend of mine is on here and it seems like a good kind of private place to air my thoughts that i don't exactly want to share with others i know, or they just don't care.

A bit about me, i'm married - been with my hubby for 9 years this year - 3 married - and we have an amazingly gorgeous little girl Sammy, who is the light of my life! Life is worth living so much more with her. I'm a witch and damn proud of it, I am a gothic night owl, I love all things spooky and creepy like skulls, bats, spells, bones etc as well as a few more normal things like dragonflies, wolves, snakes and a few weird things that you wouldn't expect from a girl who wears all black - I LOVE stripy socks, i have a small obsession with them - and i love Eeyore pyjamas, i have a collection :D

I love Horror and Fantasy a lot so lots of my fav movies and books revolve in these 2 genres - I love movies like Van Helsing, Dracula, Interview with the Vampire, Underworld (pretty much anything with vampires or werewolves i love) and then there's ones like Young Frankenstein, Moulin Rouge, LOTR. Tv shows such as Merlin (OMG Colin Morgan.....another obsession) Supernatural, Lie to Me, Burn Notice and books by authors like Anne Rice, Laurell K Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, Kim Harrison, Terry Pratchett, Robin Hobb, Isobelle Carmody, Cecelia Dart Thornton and many, many more in each category.

So thanks for reading, although this is short i'm sure things will get larger as time progresses :D anything else you want to know, just ask - for the most part i'd be happy to answer, although i'm sure you'll find out if something is too personal! 

Anyhow i'm off to see how this do-hicky works :D


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March 2010


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